Femininity

It is my desire that all Women would know and embrace the healing, loving presence of God. I have shared about myself twice now with the woman living at Hannah's Haven and after this second time I have felt God leading me to share more and more of my story to help other women get free.

I have had tremendous healing in the area of femininity. For a lot of women that is a bad word and without even realizing it for most of my life it was for me to. God revealed how deep a wound I had...

Some of my earliest memories are of my Mom and Dad fighting. My Dad was ferocious in anger, terrifying and loud. It appeared that my Mom was weak and cried a lot. Even after they separated there were abusive relationships. I remember waking up at night for years scared out of my mind. When I was 4 maybe 5 my Mom and I were at an outdoor auction, I was abducted by a man who molested me. He eventually abandoned me at a deserted store, the police and my mom found me hours later. I was taught at an early age that the only way to get attention was to be highly emotional and angry and use it to your advantage. In my family it lead to alcohol abuse, failed relationships and nervous breakdowns . My Dad lived as an addict on the streets for 20+ years. As I was driving to work this morning I even remembered a painful memory about my best friends Aunt who was killed by her Husband.

So over and over in my life the idea that men could not be trusted and that women were weak was like a continual theme. God had to reveal this to me, I did not consciously feel this way, I did not reject femininity out right...I just refused it in subtle ways. I always related to guys on their level, I wasn't very feminine in appearance or in my actions, I was unable to let people who loved me help me because that was weak and I wanted no part of that and trust me there's etc.

I'll never forget the moment that God showed me that I had totally rejected this part of myself. He had created me in his image and I was denying a huge part of me. He brought up every painful memory and I started to walk through this healing process.

HE showed me how to mesh together the masculine and the feminine. I love sports, going camping, water skiing and getting dirty but now I also love being feminine, being soft, dressing up etc. God created everyone differently so your journey will look different from mine. But I know one thing that will be the same...

We are fearfully and wonderfully made in his image, we get our identity in him, and he can give us wholeness to love ourselves for who he created us to be.

I won't forget the recent day when my friend told me she was surprised to learn that I was playing softball because to her I always seemed so "girlie". God is amazing!