Various observations...

Recently the kids and I went out for a really long bike ride. Behind Lake Brandt Apartments there is a really nice green way that follows the lake. Most of the time I jog while they ride their bikes but today I rode with them and I have decided I like riding much better than I like jogging. I think I am not built to be a runner and I hate that first 5-10 minutes before you get into the grove (sometimes that never happens).

It was such a blessing to have this time with my kids and God always shows me how different and wonderful they are. And I realized that in the same ways my children want to be affirmed I want to be affirmed and loved.

Kateland loves to be outside and even though she is a teenager I am blessed in that she still desires to hang out with me, to go bike riding, to hear what I have to say, to laugh together and be silly. She desires like I to be heard, to have a voice, to be told that she is smart and beautiful and creative and talented. She is competitive and active and faithful and loyal!

Isaac wants to know that he can do things well, that I am proud of him, that he does a good job and that he has the confidence to get it done. He wanted Kateland to ride her bike in front while he was in the middle and I rode in the back. Along the way he would check on me to make sure I was okay :-) He is funny and smart and caring and loving and thoughtful!

Sometimes I take these times for granted, we are always rushing from one thing to another and I miss really seeing them. But God is faithful in that as he calls me to parent he will also equip me to do so. In knowing and learning that I am deeply loved by Him, I can deeply love them.

I am amazed by God each day. He is teaching me something that was not modeled to me, he is teaching me to be a better parent. I get it wrong a lot, my kids will gladly tell you, they secretly like it when I am wrong :-) But I have a God who shows up in my weakness and my children grow stronger in Him by seeing his work in me!

When the going gets tough I want to run...

I am so burdened today from conversations of things that I felt that we had gotten past with some of our Glenwood girls. Conversations about gangs, about violence, girls afraid to go to school, girls tearing one another down instead of sticking together and building one another up.

I let go and cried today because on so many levels I am sad.

I am sad because this hits so close to home. I know what it feels like to want to be loved and not knowing why or how or what. Trying to validate ourselves in our friends, in our schools, by some boy who cares nothing about us, by some gang who could care less. I am sad because they act one way with us and then they go home and they act like someone else to survive. Most so naive who think that choosing to be in a gang is a simple choice. And all coming on the heels of other girls they know who are in prison at 16 from the same choices. I am frustrated because I know about a God who wants to love us and heal us and protect us but I can't make them choose him. I can't make them make the right choices!

I am scared for them.

And then I am selfish too! I am sad because I realize I have been on the outskirts of things for a long time because being involved is so hard. It hurts, it makes me sad and sometimes I want to just do the simple things and leave the heavy to someone else. When the going gets tough I want to run!

By Jeremy Camp

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone
Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting