Boys, Summer Camp, and God

Summer Camp although many months ago still resounds in my heart. We took the kids from Glenwood to Washington, DC for a long weekend.

I joke with a friend of mine that God designed me to hang out with boys instead of the girls. I love each of them but I really like to run around with the boys, not staying long at one thing before we are off to another. It's go go go, I love the adventure! And then they are always ready to go before were done and they get impatient after having to wait on the girls. I think I love being with them because they are so different from me. If I were in a museum I would stop at everything and read it and talk about it and look at all the pictures. When with them I get to see what matters the most to them, what makes them excited. One place we both enjoyed was in the Natural History Museum, they had a huge room of gems and beautiful rocks. We checked out the diamonds, emeralds, sapphires, rubies..... They loved the bling! I felt so special as they wanted me to look at everything with them and talk over what they would do with these rare treasures.

One night we had a Church come to the Bible College we were staying and minister to the kids (see the Pastor in the first pic above). They have a Church in Maryland that ministers to hundreds of youth. They were having such a huge response from the kids in the area that the very weekend we went to visit their Church we found out they had been shut down because they were exceeding capacity (they were in an office park). So they came to us (so like God to make us feel special). We played games, got to know one another and then settled in to hear the message the Pastor brought. It moved the kids and at the end he asked that we gather around the kids and pray for them. A couple of young men from the church surrounded two of our boys who just happened to be sitting by them. When they started to pray and speak life over them the boy's hardness broke. I heard them speaking the most positive things over them about their boyhood and there place in the kingdom of God. I thought these boy's have probably never had someone speak into their life like this. Through the Holy Spirit they were speaking into their lives there position in God's kingdom, that God created them for greatness, that he thinks that they are mighty and fearfully and wonderfully made. I truly felt at that moment that they felt God reach down and say I am proud of you like no other, I love you like no other and I created you like no other. WOW is an understatement!

The Boy's have been on my heart so much lately. I am praying that a male role model takes the time to invest into their lives on a regular basis..... I am burdened because the streets can be hard, it waits to tell them lies.... Please be praying with me!

The Garden of my heart

I have been meaning to blog about this for awhile. I went to a conference recently called "Journey to Wholeness". Here is what I wrote after the conference.

Lord I never want to look back. I went into the conference looking out to everything to fill me. People, situations, my husband, church, the world... What I didn't realize was my lack of looking up to you was effecting everything spiritual in my life. I had an aversion to reading the word of God, I had an aversion to the truth. I wonder how many people there are in ministry that are ministering from that place. Before I could look up you had to show me how unwilling I was to believe that you could love someone like me. In the time we spent reflecting on the "garden of our hearts" God you showed me beautiful rows of flowers in the center of my garden that were various colors. But at the corners of my garden there was blackness and it was threatening to consume the beauty. As you and I walked around the garden all of the flowers yielded to you, they reached up to their full height to reach out to you and bend towards you. Not only did you show me that you created all things to worship you, you showed me that these flowers were my desires, that my desire was to worship you and press into you. But the darkness in the corners was doubt, fear, insecurity and rejection. Because I was trying to solve them with worldly solutions they were threatening to overcome my desires to worship and press into you. You went to stand in each one of my corners and there brought light and life into the darkness. Where there was darkness flowers sprang up and a single sunflower in each corner. But in my corner of rejection you placed an apple tree and invited me to sit with you. It was here that you told me... You spoke to my deepest darkest place. You didn't speak to my mind you spoke directly to my heart with one look. The look told me how adored I was. That in that place you solely had eyes for me and you had always cared and loved me. The rejection was then gone, you see, my deepest fear was that I was never worthy to be loved like that, a deep unconditional love that only God can give.

At the bottom of my journal after I re-read what I wrote there was a scripture written in it, here is what it said.

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Psalm 143:8

Every day I desire that God would show me his unfailing love, bring me back to the time together under the apple tree. I put my trust in him that he will show me every way to turn and I want my soul to be forever lifted to him. No longer do I want to be filled with anything else.

Cheap Gas, Don't be mad!!!

I took Kateland to her soccer game in Charlotte this weekend. I was fussing about the road sings because they were teeny tiny and we went about five miles out of our way into South Carolina.

But guess what I found??? Yep, gas for $1.99 a gallon, it was awesome and I promptly went back to the game and made an annoucement to Katie's team. I was so excited!

I filled up and after having less than a quarter of gas in my tank it only cost $25.00.

I thought maybe you wouldn't believe me so I took this picture. I know people at the gas station that I was crazy! Isaac thought I was!

Fall in the Mountains

We went to Cherokee, NC this weekend with my mom, her sister and my kids. We stayed on the Cherokee tribes reservation (the eastern band), in a hotel, next time we want to go camping. It was a slow relaxing weekend. The kids and I went into all of the shops and looked at moccasin's, cool leather, arrowheads, bows and arrows and other cool stuff made by the Cherokee Indians. We also saw some not so cool stuff made in China :-(

I made some really cool observations about my kids.

Kateland loves the outdoors, it runs in her veins. As you can see above we where in a Bamboo Forest and the first thing she did was climb it and then we spent time skipping rocks. She got up to like eight skips with one rock. I know, she's amazing!! She is also my most favorite shopping partner. We really do not even have to be shopping but just going through museums and learning history we love it and it is a special thing we love to do together! The Biltmore Estate is our next trip, just her and I.

Isaac is my look at me kid. He likes lots of attention and loves to talk about just about everything. He loves to mimic his sister as you can see in the picture above, but sshhh don't tell anyone he is really on his sisters shoulders! He stuck his feet in the freezing river with my Mom and tried to skip rocks most of which sunk to the bottom on first hit. He called me and my Mom broadcasters, can you believe it he says we tell everything :-) Poor Isaac the only guy with a bunch of woman!

I loved hearing my mom and sister talk about growing up and the things they did as kids. My aunt drove the whole way because she says my mom scares her. My mom scares me too and my kids informed me that I scare them. Kateland says I can get anywhere in half the time it should take.

I got to thinking there are different types of travelers. Which one are you? There are the lookers, constantly looking out the windows and wanting to stop at every spot (this is me and my mom, that's why were bad drivers). There are the drivers, they think they drive the best and fell better in control of the car. Then there are the sleepers, who at any time can find a place to snooze and do so (this is my kids). Oh and one more, there are readers who just can't put that book down (this makes me sick in the car now). I used to be a reader. So tell me who you are and if you can think of any others.

Nicaragua

It is so hot in Nicaragua in September. Talk about sweating, whew!

Going for the second time was amazing. You are so loved by the people and being apart of the community is nothing like we do it here in the US. I really miss that about Nicaragua, the community and hanging out at night and singing songs together and really slowing down.

God is doing some awesome things in El Empalme, the village we stay in. He is raising up leaders, healing people of addictions and growing his Church.

We had over thiry people go with us from the states and although there were some challenges with some many people and I sometimes found myself annoyed because I have a patience problem it was really wonderful. I would not trade it, I made lifelong friends and we have a bond like no other.

Our building team built three houses! We went in the rainy season and were expecting a lot of rain. The buillding team worked hard to get the houses finished and after three days of work they did and no sooner than they did it poured rain :-) Isn't God so good, that he would send us with a task, help us to accomplish it and then give us glorious rain to signify the end of the work!

We walked around the village in our rain parkas with about three or four kids underneath with us. It was so sweet!

Things I misss.....

Community

The Fruit, yummy

The Children

The Church

Playing soccer with the kids in the rain on a baseball field :-)

Family Summer!

Here are some pictures from my families summer. Kateland finished up a great season in soccer. Her team came in second in her division. She is an amazing goalie!
Isaac started his first year in baseball. I know absolutely nothing about baseball.
















My husbands Uncle came to visit. He had walked all the way from California in the "The Longest Walk". If you want to read about it the link is below. And last is Fernando's first big fish of the summer. Funny story. I came home to find Kateland and Fernando talking about this big fish he had caught. I walked into the bathroom because I heard the water trickling in the tub and if you know how I am I was fussing all the way to the bathroom about them wasting money and how they needed to turn the water off blah, blah, and blah . The curtain was closed so I opened it and reached to turn the water off and then screamed and jumped off the floor. They had this huge fish floating in the bath tub. And my family knows me so well that they knew if they left the water trickling I would go right back there to turn it off. They tricked me!! Kateland got the biggest laugh at my expense. Even though they called me out about being so anal I had to laugh at myself! How great it is to have a family that knows you so well that they knew exactly what I would do.

God thank you for the simple times that I can laugh at myself and not take me to seriously, sheshhhhhh!

Summer

It's been awhile since I last blogged. I actually just set here and uploaded a bunch of pictures and it did not work. I am lost and confused all the time now that I have a new computer with Vista on it. Thank goodness my computer savvy friend Dayna is coming over tomorrow to help me. Will tell you all about my summer as soon as I can get my pics up.....

Bittersweet no longer, just beautiful....

The Glenwood girls had there Dance recital last week and I must say it was wonderful! Sometimes you wonder if it will all come together but in the end when their on stage performing they get it all together and it looks great.

My friend Suzanne and Dayna put together clips of the girls talking about themselves and who their Hero was. I cried when they talked about how strong their mothers were and how they looked up to them. I was tremendously proud of what these girls had overcome! To learn all the dances and just to get to practice for that matter was no small task. My heart swelled at how beautiful they looked and for the moms who were watching proudly.

But later my heart broke for them on the inside because of the fathers who weren't there. I know this quite well as my Dad for as long as I can remember has been an alcoholic who was living on the streets by the time I was a teenager and the streets are still his home today. I used to see Dad's with their baby daughters and think, "Wow how sweet is that", but deep down it was depressing. Bittersweet....

My Dad was not there to teach me how to relate to ANY man, guy friend or boy friend. As a young adolescent and adult I had a hard time having any healthy relationships and have always felt inadequate in forming friendships with guys other than my husband. "I mean, what do you talk about?"

I wonder if our girls feel the same way? Sometimes there are days when I wonder why God has me working were he does but it's times like these that I know why. I think about all that God has done in my life to restore these wounds and stand me back upright. You see for a long time I was bent over by the sins of another. But by the grace of God I can now look at Dad's with there children and see it for what it is, beauty beyond words. Beauty beyond words is what your giving your children.

So for the Dad's from our church who were at the recital supporting girls who aren't your own I just want to say thank you. You know who you are! And although for now it may be bittersweet for them, God is working through you to restore them. Never miss an opportunity to tell these girls how wonderful they are, you just might change their life!!!

Aghhhh

I am feeling utterly disappointed, frustrated and betrayed. I am having an inner struggle as to how I should handle a recent disappointment that really is not even my disappointment but my daughters.

Kateland, after working so hard on her soccer team this year, going through tryouts again, found out yesterday that she got demoted to the team under the one she has been on for the last year. She was really disappointed and she also felt betrayed. My get along with everyone, tries as hard as she can and always does the best she can daughter, got demoted.

I know I am really whining. Does this seem like the end of the world? No! Will this make her a stronger player? Probably! I know things can be much worse! And she does have some things she needs to work on.

On the outside I want to say yeah great, everything is fine, everything is going to be okay and that this is all a part of life. But another part of me wants to say, "Your loss, I hope your new goalie stinks and that you realize you have made a big mistake."

Fine attitude for me to have huh? I really feel guilty for feeling this way but it's honest.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

"Inside, Outside, Upside Down"

As early as I can remember I loved reading books. I really got involed in every story I read and actually felt disappointment when they were over. So if your familiar with the childhood books by Jan and Stan Berenstain, "The Berenstain Bears" you will recognize the title above.

As an adult I have looked back at all of these books and realized that most of them have a great lesson for children. Although my friend did point out that they do not always portray Papa Bear in the best light. I told her I thought the books were more real that way. The brother and sister do not always get along and the Papa and Mama are not always on point. What family isn't this way? Oh, and I also read this really cute article about how the authors meet and realized how much they both enjoyed to write and draw. They got married and birthed the Berenstain Bear series and they do all the writing and drawing together. How sweet! You go Jan and Stan Berenstain!

So if you've never read this book it's about Brother Bear and how he gets in a box and is put on his fathers truck going into town. He proceeds to get turned around in the box and the box turns over and he is outside, hence the title, "Inside, outside, upside down".

I feel like this sometimes. That I live my life inside a box, outside and upside down. I often limit God to my box, when his limitlessness (okay probably not a word) is outside the box therefore my life seems upside down. As I was doing my Bible study tonight a significant line read, "Our temptation is to humanize God" (Beth Moore, Breaking Free). I had to ask myself in how many areas of my life do I limit God by expecting him to be human with human responses. I am challenging myself to seek God on this and pray that he would show me into every area where I put limits on him and that he would show me how to take the limits off......

John 3:31
The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is from the earth belongs to the earth and speaks as one from the earth.

God fights our battles

Read Samuel Chapter 16 and 17 below.

A couple of weeks ago I was at a graduation at a Teen Challenge center. This is a ministry for people recovering from drug addiction. We were having a time of worship and prayer, it was awesome God really healed some broken places that day. The Lord spoke to my heart and told me that HE fights our battles. I spoke it out because I thought this message was for everyone else. Today I am wondering why I always think these nuggets from God are always for someone else? (a little denial maybe ;-) In verse 17:45-47 David says, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. 47 All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."

How powerful is that! Everyone else was afraid of Goliath but David knew that the Lord fights his battles, in his mind it was already won!!! He even told Goliath that the Lord would hand him over. There are battles that I am up against that God has said he has already won!! Sometimes I am in a struggle with my mind and I place limits on God thinking things are impossible. So for me today I am laying those things that I took back from Him that he has already fought and all future battles back at his feet.

I love the way God chose David! Enjoy!

1 Samuel 16
Samuel Anoints David
1 The LORD said to Samuel, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king."
2 But Samuel said, "How can I go? Saul will hear about it and kill me." The LORD said, "Take a heifer with you and say, 'I have come to sacrifice to the LORD.' 3 Invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will show you what to do. You are to anoint for me the one I indicate."
4 Samuel did what the LORD said. When he arrived at Bethlehem, the elders of the town trembled when they met him. They asked, "Do you come in peace?"
5 Samuel replied, "Yes, in peace; I have come to sacrifice to the LORD. Consecrate yourselves and come to the sacrifice with me." Then he consecrated Jesse and his sons and invited them to the sacrifice.
6 When they arrived, Samuel saw Eliab and thought, "Surely the LORD's anointed stands here before the LORD."
7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
8 Then Jesse called Abinadab and had him pass in front of Samuel. But Samuel said, "The LORD has not chosen this one either." 9 Jesse then had Shammah pass by, but Samuel said, "Nor has the LORD chosen this one." 10 Jesse had seven of his sons pass before Samuel, but Samuel said to him, "The LORD has not chosen these." 11 So he asked Jesse, "Are these all the sons you have?" "There is still the youngest," Jesse answered, "but he is tending the sheep." Samuel said, "Send for him; we will not sit down [a] until he arrives."
12 So he sent and had him brought in. He was ruddy, with a fine appearance and handsome features. Then the LORD said, "Rise and anoint him; he is the one."
13 So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the LORD came upon David in power. Samuel then went to Ramah.
David in Saul's Service
14 Now the Spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul, and an evil [b] spirit from the LORD tormented him.
15 Saul's attendants said to him, "See, an evil spirit from God is tormenting you. 16 Let our lord command his servants here to search for someone who can play the harp. He will play when the evil spirit from God comes upon you, and you will feel better."
17 So Saul said to his attendants, "Find someone who plays well and bring him to me."
18 One of the servants answered, "I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. And the LORD is with him."
19 Then Saul sent messengers to Jesse and said, "Send me your son David, who is with the sheep." 20 So Jesse took a donkey loaded with bread, a skin of wine and a young goat and sent them with his son David to Saul.
21 David came to Saul and entered his service. Saul liked him very much, and David became one of his armor-bearers. 22 Then Saul sent word to Jesse, saying, "Allow David to remain in my service, for I am pleased with him."
23 Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.Footnotes:
1 Samuel 16:11 Some Septuagint manuscripts; Hebrew not gather around
1 Samuel 16:14 Or injurious ; also in verses 15, 16 and 23
Passage 1 Samuel 17 :
1 Samuel 17
David and Goliath
1 Now the Philistines gathered their forces for war and assembled at Socoh in Judah. They pitched camp at Ephes Dammim, between Socoh and Azekah. 2 Saul and the Israelites assembled and camped in the Valley of Elah and drew up their battle line to meet the Philistines. 3 The Philistines occupied one hill and the Israelites another, with the valley between them.
4 A champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, came out of the Philistine camp. He was over nine feet [a] tall. 5 He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels [b] ; 6 on his legs he wore bronze greaves, and a bronze javelin was slung on his back. 7 His spear shaft was like a weaver's rod, and its iron point weighed six hundred shekels. [c] His shield bearer went ahead of him.
8 Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, "Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Saul? Choose a man and have him come down to me. 9 If he is able to fight and kill me, we will become your subjects; but if I overcome him and kill him, you will become our subjects and serve us." 10 Then the Philistine said, "This day I defy the ranks of Israel! Give me a man and let us fight each other." 11 On hearing the Philistine's words, Saul and all the Israelites were dismayed and terrified.
12 Now David was the son of an Ephrathite named Jesse, who was from Bethlehem in Judah. Jesse had eight sons, and in Saul's time he was old and well advanced in years. 13 Jesse's three oldest sons had followed Saul to the war: The firstborn was Eliab; the second, Abinadab; and the third, Shammah. 14 David was the youngest. The three oldest followed Saul, 15 but David went back and forth from Saul to tend his father's sheep at Bethlehem.
16 For forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his stand.
17 Now Jesse said to his son David, "Take this ephah [d] of roasted grain and these ten loaves of bread for your brothers and hurry to their camp. 18 Take along these ten cheeses to the commander of their unit. [e] See how your brothers are and bring back some assurance [f] from them. 19 They are with Saul and all the men of Israel in the Valley of Elah, fighting against the Philistines."
20 Early in the morning David left the flock with a shepherd, loaded up and set out, as Jesse had directed. He reached the camp as the army was going out to its battle positions, shouting the war cry. 21 Israel and the Philistines were drawing up their lines facing each other. 22 David left his things with the keeper of supplies, ran to the battle lines and greeted his brothers. 23 As he was talking with them, Goliath, the Philistine champion from Gath, stepped out from his lines and shouted his usual defiance, and David heard it. 24 When the Israelites saw the man, they all ran from him in great fear.
25 Now the Israelites had been saying, "Do you see how this man keeps coming out? He comes out to defy Israel. The king will give great wealth to the man who kills him. He will also give him his daughter in marriage and will exempt his father's family from taxes in Israel."
26 David asked the men standing near him, "What will be done for the man who kills this Philistine and removes this disgrace from Israel? Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?"
27 They repeated to him what they had been saying and told him, "This is what will be done for the man who kills him."
28 When Eliab, David's oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, "Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle."
29 "Now what have I done?" said David. "Can't I even speak?" 30 He then turned away to someone else and brought up the same matter, and the men answered him as before. 31 What David said was overheard and reported to Saul, and Saul sent for him.
32 David said to Saul, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him."
33 Saul replied, "You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth."
34 But David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, 35 I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. 36 Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. 37 The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." Saul said to David, "Go, and the LORD be with you."
38 Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. 39 David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. "I cannot go in these," he said to Saul, "because I am not used to them." So he took them off. 40 Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.
41 Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. 42 He looked David over and saw that he was only a boy, ruddy and handsome, and he despised him. 43 He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. 44 "Come here," he said, "and I'll give your flesh to the birds of the air and the beasts of the field!"
45 David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. 46 This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. 47 All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD's, and he will give all of you into our hands."
48 As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. 49 Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.
50 So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.
51 David ran and stood over him. He took hold of the Philistine's sword and drew it from the scabbard. After he killed him, he cut off his head with the sword. When the Philistines saw that their hero was dead, they turned and ran. 52 Then the men of Israel and Judah surged forward with a shout and pursued the Philistines to the entrance of Gath [g] and to the gates of Ekron. Their dead were strewn along the Shaaraim road to Gath and Ekron. 53 When the Israelites returned from chasing the Philistines, they plundered their camp. 54 David took the Philistine's head and brought it to Jerusalem, and he put the Philistine's weapons in his own tent.
55 As Saul watched David going out to meet the Philistine, he said to Abner, commander of the army, "Abner, whose son is that young man?" Abner replied, "As surely as you live, O king, I don't know."
56 The king said, "Find out whose son this young man is."
57 As soon as David returned from killing the Philistine, Abner took him and brought him before Saul, with David still holding the Philistine's head.
58 "Whose son are you, young man?" Saul asked him. David said, "I am the son of your servant Jesse of Bethlehem."

Fronting, Frontin, to Front...

I was in the gym yesterday and I was looking around for a magazine to read. They often do not replenish their magazines so I had already read the entire selection on how to get great abs (don't laugh) in ten days etc. Oh, and Golf Digest is just not my thing although I did acquire an admiration of Golf from my Dad. So my choices were "Home and Garden" or one called the "The New Yorker". Seeing as I do not own my own home I went with the latter.

In it there was an article that caught my eye. It was titled, "Fronting, the word for the day". It was talking about the police officers that were on trial for shooting down a young black man outside of a club on the early morning hours of the day he was going to get married. He was unarmed and shot sixteen times. One of the questions they posed was whether he was "fronting" or not when someone over heard him tell his friends to get his gun.

Definition of fronting: An outward, often feigned, appearance or manner

Okay now you know most of us have used this word or heard kids use it a bit different. We say, "frontin" Can you believe that she said that, she is frontin!

For years I had been "frontin", not letting people see the real me. Not wanting to let people know that I had problems, that I wasn't the greatest parent in the world and that I had struggles in my marriage. That meant exposure! Who wants to be exposed, that's just to painful. That means I would have to go back to move forward. What would people think. But then I meet Jesus! I literally feel at Jesus feet and the facade (a superficial appearance or illusion of something) started to fall. He exposed all of the lies, as rocks are exposed to the elements and start to get smooth, that is the process I am on. That I will always be on...

I can now shout, "I am free"! I am truly free to be who God created me to be! So if you see me crying in church or laying on the alter "exposed", just know that I am not "frontin" any longer.